Feelings

I wonder why we have feelings. Life would have been much simpler and less complicated if we didn’t have any feelings in the first place. They make everything so messed up. Some days I feel happy the other days sad and frustrated. Though, sad is not the right word, it is a weird feeling. It feels like there is nothing good in life to be happy about. I don’t understand why it happens like, yesterday I was feeling everything is just perfect and right now I am feeling nothing is right, there is a lot that need changes in my life, in me, my attitude, in everything. Maybe it has something to do with being positive and negative. But these all are just feelings again, why do we have them?

My life would have been much different if I didn’t have them. There would have been much fewer problems, no mood swings, no complications, no unnecessary over thinking nothing useless. I think all these feelings waste our time and become a distraction between what we actually want to do.

I know this is just unnecessary stuff I am writing, but I have to write because I don’t have anyone to speak about it or maybe no one will understand. Again, it’s my feelings which I feel no one will be able to understand. I wonder is it even possible to understand what exactly someone feels because everyone has a different mind and different perception. You can express what you feel, but you cannot be sure of what the other understands.

Many a times we say to our closed ones that “you will not understand it”, I think it is true no one understand what are the actual feelings they just empathize with us. Recently, read about “alter ego” – a close friend who thinks or feels similarly to the way you think or feel. Is it really true do people have such friends in their life? I don’t have anyone like that or maybe I am not good in expressing my feelings that’s why they don’t understand.

Alter ego have another meaning too which means the opposite side of one’s personality, I think this alter ego I have. :D No, I don’t have any split personality disorder but I guess everyone have two sides of their personality, one which they shows to everyone and the other which they don’t show to anyone or shows to only closed ones.

But still I feel the feelings are unnecessary. (Again, I feel the feeling of feeling being useless :P) Do we have another word for the word ‘feeling’? Oh God, someone, please help me with my vocabulary. Anyways, enough of feelings now I am getting sleepy feeling because it's 2 am right now and just today I checked that most of my blog posts are uploaded in the mid of the night, such an insomniac I am. I think this insomnia is also a problem that I over think and get different feelings. Whatever it is, after typing all this useless stuff I am feeling good and I think I am back to normal mode. And for this my blog and this laptop deserves a big thank you. 

PS: A big thanks to you too, yes you the one who is reading this, my generous readers. Thank you for reading. 

Who am I?

Who am I? I am still in search of its answer, in the process of making my 'Identity'.

In the meanwhile, I am a Dreamer, Observer, Struggler and an Impatient Being. But the most important thing about me is that I want to change all this except being an Observer.

I would always love to observe the things, the world, the people, nature, and the birds. And yes, I do observe myself too. I am a changed person now than what I was a few years earlier. Although my habits have not changed much which I always wanted to do and still wants to.  But still I feel change I am a bit older now and more mature maybe.  Yes, we say age is just a number but I realized lately it’s an important number. And you can never get back to the time you have already lost.

Whenever someone asks me, “tell me something about yourself”. I tell them my name, about my family, my hobbies - which I don’t mostly pursue, and what I do I don’t count them as my hobbies. This one question has always been a difficult one for me on which if I keep thinking I won’t stop to tell them about me. But then I realized what I think is not what people wants to listen.

I am the one with the silent nature but the loudest mind. I am the one who stands in the crowd but still seems different. I am the one who is there in between the people but still not there, a wanderer.  When I passed out from school I got the title “silent water runs deeper”. I took it in a positive manner. I am like a river which seems quiet and shallow on the surface but might be deeper than what you observe. Many might feel I am a mysterious person, but only those who are close to me know how open I am about my thoughts.  Thus, I am a reserved person too everyone can’t be my friend neither I can be a friend to everyone.

Life and some blabbering ...

It’s been many years since I had decided that I will sleep early from the very next day. But even after so many years of countless resolutions and promises to myself, I am still typing this post at 2.39 am. I am feeling sleepy, tired and some backache because of this chair or because of long hours sitting on the computer. Today, I am awaked till this hour as I was doing some college project work because time is running fast and I have my internals from Monday. But nothing new in this we the college goers or may be just students of my college completes their files and all practical works only when few days are left for the exams.

A few days back our chief coordinator asked a boy in my class “How much work have you completed in your file?”

He said smilingly as everyone around him was also smiling “Ma’am, I haven’t started it yet.”

Then the teacher asked him very politely (she is one of the most polite teachers in our college but sometimes her mood changes with a blow).

“When will you start it, beta (son)?”

Very audaciously with a big smile, he said “Ma’am one day before exams our files are made always, so there is still time why worry?”, and a big laugh surrounds the whole class and our polite ma’am also started smiling. She continued again with her over politeness “why beta, complete your work as soon as possible why to delay it when you have time”.

But we never listened to their over polite blabbers and keep on doing all the things with ease in a slow process as slow as it can and always completed the work when the dates are near or when there is a stick on our head.

Though, I don’t think it is the habit of college or school students only, even our elders the most responsible ones also have this habit of delaying work. Mostly we Indians somehow inherit this habit from our ancestors. We Indians are the coolest and bindass people I guess, we can never be on time. Few minutes or hours late are a common thing in our culture or may be a habit of a large part of the Indian population. Okay, I am not cribbing about Indians. After all, I am also an Indian but still, we can’t deny this. :P

For us a clock in our life doesn’t mean anything, we hardly care about whether it is running or not. Although I won’t say that all people in India are like this, there might be many of you who are very punctual and particular about being on time and give utmost importance to the clicking of clocks. The people from Defense services are very punctual, they do all their work on time with a grace, I know this because I have been living in an area which is considered as the hub of defense people in Delhi, all from Army, Air Force, and Navy services can be seen here in the early morning heading to their offices or transit camps or whatever they call it. (Well this is not the real reason, there was a guy from Air Force who used to live in the house opposite mine and … anyway leave that, it’s a different story :P :D)

I really don’t know why I am typing all this and I advise you to read further only if you have nothing important to do because it is all crap. So I was talking about Indians being late, oh no no.. I was telling about my habit of being late. Yes, I am never on time and I think you got to be a risk taker and adventurous kind of a person to be late because you need to cross a lot of hurdles to reach the destination at the last minute. I had driven my scooty just like a bike racer in video games, to reach at the last minute in college for the practical-vivas, as my roll no. is 1 and yes, it is a curse being a roll no.1 in your class.

You have to reach the college first in practicals and go for the viva first in the class and then everyone come to you to ask what the examiner asked. And you feel like the most demanding person in the class, suddenly everyone wants to talk to you. You hear your name from every direction in class and everyone is standing around you to listen what you are saying. But still, you feel cheated (huh.. I have to tell them all the questions and they will have an idea what kind of questions he will ask). But anyway after my viva, I always feel extra happy and say “ah! Finally, it’s over”, no matter it was good or bad who gives a damn.

Okay, that’s enough of my blabbering for today.

PS:- Once in months I get out of my mind and starts typing anything silly or something not so important (you must be thinking when did I write something important, well I also doubt that .. Lol). If you have wasted your time in reading all this, then I am really thankful to you and I am overwhelmed with your idleness. Please, keep it up in future also you will make me happy. :D

Kindly, leave a comment below to let me know about all the good hearted people. After that, you can continue with your not so important work. :P  

And in case you have some more time to read some more blabbering then click here.

Blogging - an idea discovered and evolving

I never had any idea about what blogs are till the day my friend told me about it and encouraged me to start a blog and write something to spend my spare time. Then I had a thought about it and I was so confident “yeah dude I can also write.”

Then the other day at 2.30 am I was tired of turning on my bed because of my insomniac habit, I decided to start my laptop and open a blog, but then I realized I have no idea what I will write on it so it was difficult to choose a name for it which will match its content. I thought about it till I was not bored of thinking while I searched some blogs with dear Google, who knows everything and I found some very good blogs which had awesome contents and I thought “am I again going to do something just to make myself feel like a fool in the end?”

My lazy brain’s lazy horses were running for almost 30 minutes and gave me this idea to name it “The Virtual Life” after all its virtual thing I will be writing about my real life on this virtual world and I thought “hmm.. not a bad idea.” And finally I created it with this name but after sometime the lazy horses again started walking with more slower speed and said “it could have been more better” and I shouted back “just shut up you idiot don’t waste your already finished energy and my precious time.”

So that’s how this blog got its name and our generous friend Google even offered me to “Let search engines find your blog?” and I said “Yeah, why not you are the one and only friend of mine.” I know no body is interested in knowing how I started blogging, why I started or how my blog got it's name? But still I am posting about it because I have nothing else to blog about so if you are feeling that you are wasting your time reading this, then I would say you are right and you can stop here and continue your important work (which you do not have I know that is why you are still reading :D).

Image Source: www.antisocialmedia.com

Then after gathering all the courage I posted few posts on it and I realized I am the only one visiting my blog and reading it. I got bored of it and thought “if I am the only one to read it then what is the need of writing and wasting my time (I am the busiest person on earth even Mr. Obama cannot beat me in this) in posting it on this stupid blog I already know everything.”

And for almost a period of two years I left this blogging thing with only 1-2 posts in 4-5 months and said “it’s not my cup of tea.” But then came my Messiah (and of many of yours too I know), the generous Indiblogger which said to me “We Blog, Therefore We Are” and gave me the honor of adding the badge of IndiWriter to my blog and I starts blushing when I read that word ‘Writer’ on my blog (though deep down in my heart I know it doesn’t make me any writer or anything, it is just for satisfying and sympathizing the poor bloggers like me). And I started posting a bit frequently than before things like poems which seldom rhymes and showcasing my poor photography skills which are clicked sometimes by God grace at the right time with right angle or shot.

But I am happy with this blogging thing now only because of the great IndiBlogger, as now I am not the only one wasting my time in writing these posts and reading it, but there are few others too who visit my blog and sometimes leave some good comments. And I thank all those generous members of IndiBlogger and some others too who visit my blog and waste their time in reading it, sincerely I am grateful to you all keep doing this and I will be thankful always (I know you don’t want me to only thankful and grateful, don’t worry I will also visit your blogs and comment too :D). 

By the way, you can also add your comments below and sometimes I take comments as comments (which literary means criticism) so it is not necessary that you add a compliment I also appreciate critics wholeheartedly. I knew you will read it till the end that is why I continued blabbing now you can post your comment below, its enough for today.

My adventurous February

My January, it ended with a trauma

I was going home and met a mate

Outside the college gate,

She is always so famous

Because of her foolish activities,

She asked me to give a drive

As I m always so nice I agreed.

And in just two minutes I was in mud

With dry leaves on the ground,

The sand on my clothes,
and on my face and in my hairs.

Everything became so muddy               

And my precious thing was with many fractures

And my heart broke and I was crying.

But the irony was everyone asked me,

Why I m crying and I gave a thought,
No one understood it was my only friend.

My hands shivering while driving

I was just hoping no another accident to occur

As I drive to my home and reached safely,

And I slipped into my bed with my face covered.

The next day I woke up with pain in heart

As my left-side ribs were paining

And the January ended with a gifted sickness

But I hate doctors they make me more ill

And my adventurous February started with a thrill.