Falling apart

I know it’s time

For me to stop, for you to go on.

I know it’s time

To not give, to not expect.

I know it’s time

To let you be careless, to be ignorant

I know it’s time

For me to care less, think less and feel less.

I know it’s time

To move on and go away from you

Because, it won’t matter to you.

I know it is easier said than done

I know I should not care, but I still do.

I know I should not love

But I still do and will do.

Goodbye

I hate goodbyes. I just can’t do it. It is always the other person who had to do it if they must. Most of the times goodbyes are unsaid and these are more painful than the ones that are said. Because you always have that hope of their returning back to you, but usually they don’t. And even if they do, it is not the same person that you know earlier.

I saying goodbye to someone is of no use because I always turn back to them to say a hello or to know how are you? These goodbyes I am referring not only to your loved ones, but there are unsaid goodbyes between the friends also. Your school or college or just any friend who promised to stay by your side always, but then everyone gets busy in the hustle-bustle of their own life, make new friends and then you never talk again and lose contacts. But thanks to Mark Zuckerberg, he made a wonderful thing called Facebook. Now, you can find them but only if you can still recognize them in their display pictures and if you have the patience to scroll down to the list of hundreds of profiles with the same name.

There are also some friends, whom you say goodbye no matter how many times, but you always drift back in a year or two or sometimes more. These are my favorite people. I think even I am also one of these because I usually don’t lose phone numbers and I always save it somewhere or maybe just because of my good memory. Good memory, I must say is not always a good thing to have. Because it also not lets you forget the bad memories or the things you want to forget.

But one should never say goodbye to the ones they can’t do without, no matter what the circumstances are. I think if you really want them in your life you can always manage things and try harder. Maybe, I am not right completely because one cannot change the destiny and sometimes goodbye is the only option left. In the end, I would say goodbyes are the hardest part of my life but somehow it always comes back in my life with one or another face.

Feelings

I wonder why we have feelings. Life would have been much simpler and less complicated if we didn’t have any feelings in the first place. They make everything so messed up. Some days I feel happy the other days sad and frustrated. Though, sad is not the right word, it is a weird feeling. It feels like there is nothing good in life to be happy about. I don’t understand why it happens like, yesterday I was feeling everything is just perfect and right now I am feeling nothing is right, there is a lot that need changes in my life, in me, my attitude, in everything. Maybe it has something to do with being positive and negative. But these all are just feelings again, why do we have them?

My life would have been much different if I didn’t have them. There would have been much fewer problems, no mood swings, no complications, no unnecessary over thinking nothing useless. I think all these feelings waste our time and become a distraction between what we actually want to do.

I know this is just unnecessary stuff I am writing, but I have to write because I don’t have anyone to speak about it or maybe no one will understand. Again, it’s my feelings which I feel no one will be able to understand. I wonder is it even possible to understand what exactly someone feels because everyone has a different mind and different perception. You can express what you feel, but you cannot be sure of what the other understands.

Many a times we say to our closed ones that “you will not understand it”, I think it is true no one understand what are the actual feelings they just empathize with us. Recently, read about “alter ego” – a close friend who thinks or feels similarly to the way you think or feel. Is it really true do people have such friends in their life? I don’t have anyone like that or maybe I am not good in expressing my feelings that’s why they don’t understand.

Alter ego have another meaning too which means the opposite side of one’s personality, I think this alter ego I have. :D No, I don’t have any split personality disorder but I guess everyone have two sides of their personality, one which they shows to everyone and the other which they don’t show to anyone or shows to only closed ones.

But still I feel the feelings are unnecessary. (Again, I feel the feeling of feeling being useless :P) Do we have another word for the word ‘feeling’? Oh God, someone, please help me with my vocabulary. Anyways, enough of feelings now I am getting sleepy feeling because it's 2 am right now and just today I checked that most of my blog posts are uploaded in the mid of the night, such an insomniac I am. I think this insomnia is also a problem that I over think and get different feelings. Whatever it is, after typing all this useless stuff I am feeling good and I think I am back to normal mode. And for this my blog and this laptop deserves a big thank you. 

PS: A big thanks to you too, yes you the one who is reading this, my generous readers. Thank you for reading. 

Live, Learn and Carry On

Image Courtesy: www.onelifesuccess.net

Life is a journey in which we experience many things and learn from it. The important thing is to learn and change your life gradually. I am sharing some of the things which I have learned in my life and I wish I won't repeat the same mistakes again.

I have learned that if you don't think about yourself then don't expect that anyone else would do this for you. If you don't bother to do this doesn't mean that others will think about you before themselves.

I have learned that it is never a reason that you don't have time for someone or something, it is always the priorities that change with the time and needs.

I have learned that you should never do so much for someone that it will become difficult for them to repay, or if they didn't return it will hurt you. you should never give someone the power to hurt you.

I have learned that one should never give the right to anyone to hurt you so much that it will become impossible to forgive them.

I have learned that you should never give so much value to someone in your life that you become valueless in their lives.

I have learned that you should never become dependent on anyone after a certain time period that it will become a burden for them and for you as well.

I have learned that earning happiness is more important than earning money because you can earn money in many ways, but it is not always possible to earn happiness while you earn that money.

I have learned that you should always take your decisions yourself so that you won't blame anyone else in future for what is happening in your life. After all it is your life you have to make your own ways to live it.

I have learned that, if someone expects something from you, try not to disappoint them.

I have learned that if you are expecting too much from someone, sooner or later you will be disappointed with them and yourself.

I have learned that loving yourself is more important than loving others. Don’t try to be so very kind you won’t get anything.

I have learned that you should learn to say “No”. It is not necessary to say yes to everyone on every other thing.

Desert

Image Courtesy: www.imgkid.com

To be in the shade, you have to feel the scorching heat.

life is tangled in the process of covering this distance

Long or short, always depends on your actions, it is destined.

In the desert, you have to walk miles,

to get a few minutes of a shade.

It is a hard earned shelter which might be only for a while,

you might get a cool heavy rain or deadly hot storm.

But you have to face it you don’t have another option,

you can’t escape it.

Life is similar to this desert,

you have to face the challenges,

and conquer them to succeed.

The only difference is you are not alone in this desert to walk,

there will be many in your way to obstruct,

and many to encourage you sometimes.

But to reach your destination,

 you have to keep on moving, without halting.

Sometimes it might feel like,

 you have faced enough,

but there is nothing like enough.

You have to be courageous,

to achieve the Everest of your life.

In the desert you are in desert

in life too, you are alone.

No one is actually there,

you have to make your own ways.

No one can do it better than you, yourself

because it’s your life, after all.

The First Step

Image Courtesy: abundantlymore.com

In life, I have learned it is always the first step and sometimes the first few steps which are most crucial and difficult to take. But once you have taken the first step the rest of the journey passes by, just like a cake walk.

At this first step anyone and everyone  thinks a lot about whether I should do this or not or I want to do this or not, how will I do this, what others would think about me, etc etc.

But here others are not important; it is you who need to decide who need to do the things. Everyone travels his or her journeys on their own.

A lot of questions strikes to the mind, but once you have decided that you have to do this or you need to do this and taken the first step. Then you have only two choices either to quit it or give it your best shot become a loser or winner. The choice is always yours.

The important thing is you just need to initiate somewhere sometime. While writing anything it is always the first line about which I think the most and the rest goes with the flow. And you don’t need to worry about the result. Although while writing we can always review it and rewrite it again or edit it later. But we do not get such options while writing the lines of our lives that is the reason we think so much.

Life and some blabbering ...

It’s been many years since I had decided that I will sleep early from the very next day. But even after so many years of countless resolutions and promises to myself, I am still typing this post at 2.39 am. I am feeling sleepy, tired and some backache because of this chair or because of long hours sitting on the computer. Today, I am awaked till this hour as I was doing some college project work because time is running fast and I have my internals from Monday. But nothing new in this we the college goers or may be just students of my college completes their files and all practical works only when few days are left for the exams.

A few days back our chief coordinator asked a boy in my class “How much work have you completed in your file?”

He said smilingly as everyone around him was also smiling “Ma’am, I haven’t started it yet.”

Then the teacher asked him very politely (she is one of the most polite teachers in our college but sometimes her mood changes with a blow).

“When will you start it, beta (son)?”

Very audaciously with a big smile, he said “Ma’am one day before exams our files are made always, so there is still time why worry?”, and a big laugh surrounds the whole class and our polite ma’am also started smiling. She continued again with her over politeness “why beta, complete your work as soon as possible why to delay it when you have time”.

But we never listened to their over polite blabbers and keep on doing all the things with ease in a slow process as slow as it can and always completed the work when the dates are near or when there is a stick on our head.

Though, I don’t think it is the habit of college or school students only, even our elders the most responsible ones also have this habit of delaying work. Mostly we Indians somehow inherit this habit from our ancestors. We Indians are the coolest and bindass people I guess, we can never be on time. Few minutes or hours late are a common thing in our culture or may be a habit of a large part of the Indian population. Okay, I am not cribbing about Indians. After all, I am also an Indian but still, we can’t deny this. :P

For us a clock in our life doesn’t mean anything, we hardly care about whether it is running or not. Although I won’t say that all people in India are like this, there might be many of you who are very punctual and particular about being on time and give utmost importance to the clicking of clocks. The people from Defense services are very punctual, they do all their work on time with a grace, I know this because I have been living in an area which is considered as the hub of defense people in Delhi, all from Army, Air Force, and Navy services can be seen here in the early morning heading to their offices or transit camps or whatever they call it. (Well this is not the real reason, there was a guy from Air Force who used to live in the house opposite mine and … anyway leave that, it’s a different story :P :D)

I really don’t know why I am typing all this and I advise you to read further only if you have nothing important to do because it is all crap. So I was talking about Indians being late, oh no no.. I was telling about my habit of being late. Yes, I am never on time and I think you got to be a risk taker and adventurous kind of a person to be late because you need to cross a lot of hurdles to reach the destination at the last minute. I had driven my scooty just like a bike racer in video games, to reach at the last minute in college for the practical-vivas, as my roll no. is 1 and yes, it is a curse being a roll no.1 in your class.

You have to reach the college first in practicals and go for the viva first in the class and then everyone come to you to ask what the examiner asked. And you feel like the most demanding person in the class, suddenly everyone wants to talk to you. You hear your name from every direction in class and everyone is standing around you to listen what you are saying. But still, you feel cheated (huh.. I have to tell them all the questions and they will have an idea what kind of questions he will ask). But anyway after my viva, I always feel extra happy and say “ah! Finally, it’s over”, no matter it was good or bad who gives a damn.

Okay, that’s enough of my blabbering for today.

PS:- Once in months I get out of my mind and starts typing anything silly or something not so important (you must be thinking when did I write something important, well I also doubt that .. Lol). If you have wasted your time in reading all this, then I am really thankful to you and I am overwhelmed with your idleness. Please, keep it up in future also you will make me happy. :D

Kindly, leave a comment below to let me know about all the good hearted people. After that, you can continue with your not so important work. :P  

And in case you have some more time to read some more blabbering then click here.

The Stranger

The stranger

Who is always with me

I do not know her

She do not recognize me

Still we live together

Every time every second

Without talking

Without walking

Without even living

Yet we both breathe together

Every second, every minute.

At times, we crossed the paths

When happiness walks the way

She takes me back

To the melancholy

To my reality, the solitude.

This stranger

I think about her every day

Sometimes she also thinks about me,

Then forgets me

And bound me with destiny

Her friend, my foe.

We walk together hand in hand

Like good friends, like lovers

Everyone feels we both are enjoying

Living it to the full

But reality is known

Only to her and me.

I want to leave her hand

And wants to walk away

To the tranquility, the serenity

For the eternity.

But every time I try

She holds me back

And take me to the ones

Who do not know me

Who do not need me.

And I again get stuck

Between them

The hypocrites, the selfish, the in-humans

All around me

And this stranger.

She laughs out loud

I cry out loud

But no one listen,

Only my dear stranger – the Life

Can hear me with

Her harsh heart open

For my feelings, crying and inabilities.

She is the only one

Who is and will be with me always

We suffer and relieve together.

Image Courtesy: www.favim.com

Next time

Next time when you come to my way, my life

come with a torch, a candle or a light.

For its too dark, the way towards me

you might fall or tumble or might get hurt.

The path is full with holes or pits or trenches,

it might not be visible enough.

Next time when you come to my way, my life

bring with you a little joy, delight or liveliness.

For the things so slumber or quiescent here

you might feel after a while bore, aloof or lassitude.

Because I might not be so joyous, lively or bright

it might not be interesting and entertaining to you anymore.

Next time when you come or if you ever come,

then come through the passage or alley drawn by you.

Do not come forsake of me or anyone

you might not stay for a while or long again.

And I might not be able to make you rest, stay or still

so if you come, come by your pleasure, choice or rejoice.

Wait is still long ... !!

It’s been dark for too long,

The love, the life all went wrong.

For the time being let me be strong,

The wait is still long.

If not the sunshine may be just dawn,

The path is yet to be drawn.

Solitude is still my song,

The wait is still long.

I just saw a little hope,

Let me see if there is any scope.

I thought it will work this time,

But, the wait is still long.

I am losing faith in me,

And I am fed up of this dilemma.

The destiny proving me a loser,

It wants me to be a cruiser.

I have been waiting for years,

Rain follows as fell, my tears.

The queer feeling of fears,

May transform into cheers.

But, the wait is still long,

It still goes on.

Photography to Expressography

Struggling for distinguishing my identity in the crowd

Beauty is always plucked

Sinking alone in the sea of life



This part of my life is called being nice ...

Everyone feels sometimes in life that always being nice and goody-goody is not so nice every time. Recently, I tried to help one of my classmate and you know what happened later, he returned the favor in a really really nice way and I have to bear all the loses that he did to my most precious thing...

You always have to pay for being nice and it is the worst thing you can do with yourself. This is what i felt after that incident.

Then, I decided I will never try to help anyone unless it is really important. But i don't know what the hell is wrong with me, why can't i resist and always same thing happen all over again. It really pissed me off later, but in the end no one is responsible for that except me. As said by a great philosopher "always what you have today is just because of what you did yesterday". You guys must be thinking now who is this great philosopher, don't think too much it's only me and am not too great yet that you might be knowing me as a great philosopher and i am not a philosopher. Well, that was just a poor joke about me being a philosopher.

And yes I remember, I was telling about my experience in being nice, well, there are a lot more experiences like that but might be you are not interested in knowing my experiences. So, I will wind up my post here and I know there was nothing too good in my post, but it is a very first post of my blog ever and i will try to write some good things in future and I think it is fun to do blogging.